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Dying to live

12 Dec

Cross at site of drowning of Ludwig II

Image via Wikipedia

Just the other day, I was thinking of the time when I was in St. Martins afraid to learn to swim, nonetheless, I opted learning to float instead-on my back, and I drifted away.

My friends forgot to tell me not to get relaxed, and that I’d feel weightless in the beautiful crystal Caribbean Ocean. Well, once I opened my eyes to a never ending sea of deep sinking water. No longer able to touch the ground, I was far out and frightened to say the least, instantly I felt panic swim throughout my body. I could barely remember the tears falling all I knew was the salt water drowned them as I continued to visualize my life flash before me. Drowning in salty tears, panic and fear, I yelled, went under, yelled swallowed more water choked, yelled, and once my life flashed again, instantly, in my sense of urgency I prayed, and said God I refuse to die like this, so God if you are listening, please don’t allow me to drown.

Along with sea weed, instantly embracing me was a warm feeling of peace. Barley able to see anyone because the shore was many miles away, it seemed, and the fear came back, but through it I decided to relax, and guide my way back to shore in one peace. As I laid flat on top of the water barely moving my head in fear that I would have to choke on more water, I close to the shore and land.

Barrier

Image via Wikipedia

Did I say I could NOT swim? Well, I learned a lesson in the middle of the ocean. I learned that I had to think fast and save myself, a decision had to be made swiftly, so I opted not to continue to swallow the ocean, but rather throw the fear out, live, and make it on solid ground. I couldn’t imagine my mother coming all the way to St.Martin’s to identify the body (my body, if it was ever to be a body to identify). I was not only too afraid to die, but to afraid to not be able to tell this story, so I begged God for my life as I went under a couple of more times because the Caribbean tides where not peaceful. I couldn’t imagine all my dreams drowning in a sea of unforgiveness, unfulfilled promises, coupled with all the dreams that I wanted to live. Needless to say, I couldn’t imagine all my dreams drowning in a foreign land and nobody would ever know I existed.

As I thought of all these things in the longest five (5) minutes of my life, I decided to live and not die as I am doing today while building my writing business empire. Heaving chest, blurred eyes from salty sea water and human tears knowing that I had to survive and s o I did. Now I live my life fully in a way to capture and appreciate all that each new morning brings.

In a state of panic, I literally was dying to live in a state of emergency, I survived my fear, my thoughts, by listening to my heart and the legacy I MUST CREATE, thus I write, lead, mentor, teach, and smile at the joy I bring to all I come in contact with in hopes to hopes that you would learn to do the same so you never have to drown in your fears, guilt, unforgiveness, disappointments, and depression, but rather live your best life NOW, and stop drowning your dreams in excuses that you don’t have enough time or money to pursue them.

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1 Comment

Posted by on December 12, 2010 in Blog this..

 

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One response to “Dying to live

  1. Haywood Ghianni

    March 28, 2011 at 12:57 AM

    Thanks for every other fantastic post. Where else may just anybody get that kind of info in such a perfect method of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I am on the search for such info.

     

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